Gwenetta
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Hiwatari Satoshi / Yoshikawa (Kei) Megumi / Mr. Jatho / Sabaku no Gaara[A:1]
Grin like a savage cheerio.
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:41:14 GMT -5
Post by Gwenetta on Dec 23, 2007 4:41:14 GMT -5
This was originally from the HP Discussion Thread. But it got so roleplay-ey that we HAD to move it. So, moved it... Erm, complete crack.Revenge Trelawney: THE INNER EYE SEES ALL! THE GRIM, THE GRIM! There is a shadow looming over your future... Severus. Snape: ...You are not my Mister Tito. Methinks your inner eye needs glasses. James polyjuiced as Lupin for 17 years: You should've accomplished your dream of being a bullfighter, Snivel-- Sevvie. Sirius: Um... can anyone open these curtains? I'm getting hungry. Voices behind the curtains: Weeeeee~~~ haaave~~~ soooomeee crackerssss.... Sirius: Ooo! I enjoy crackers! *crunch*
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Peronella
Global Moderator
Martin Gardner / Souma Aayame
Everything is spelled different, because they're on the Moon.
Posts: 296
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:43:31 GMT -5
Post by Peronella on Dec 23, 2007 4:43:31 GMT -5
Snape: AH! Wait! Dog man! don't! um...what are you doing here? Sirius: Oh, I've been here the whole time....<.< >.>
Snape: The whole...? Sibyl how come you didn't *sense* his presence?
Trelawny: The inner eye is clouded in this unforgiving terrain. It seems It mistook fate of the tall, dark, sexy Sirius Black for the fate of the slightly less tall, dark, sexy Severus Snape. oopsie.
Sirius: *teeters on brink of veil-y cracker land* wait, what? whoa--a AAAAAAAHHHHH!
Snape: *shifts uncomfortably* well then, that's that. cool.
Trelawney: don't be so sure, Sevvy. The inner eye senses.......
Snape: what?
Trelawny: Come up to my chambers and I'll tell you.... *wink*
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Gwenetta
Administrator
Hiwatari Satoshi / Yoshikawa (Kei) Megumi / Mr. Jatho / Sabaku no Gaara[A:1]
Grin like a savage cheerio.
Posts: 16,777,215
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:44:34 GMT -5
Post by Gwenetta on Dec 23, 2007 4:44:34 GMT -5
Sirius: They left again!!!! Voices: Doooooooo yoooooouuu-- Sirius: Out with it. Voice: *cough* Sorry. Want some jam on your crackers? Sirius: JAM?! I LOVE JAM!!!
James polyjuiced as Lupin for 17 years: SIBYL!!! DON'T YOU GO TAKING MY MAN!!!
Harry: D-dad?!
James p.a.L.f.17.y.: Shuddup, squirt. SEVVIEEEE!!!
Snape: What a dilemma this has become... I shall now take the easy way out. Come on Potter, time to practice Occlumency...
James: Wheee! I knew he'd choose meee!
Snape: NOT you... the other, shorter, Potter.
Harry: D-d-d-d-d-d-daaaad?!!?!?!
Snape: Come on Potter. I will attempt to penetrate your mind, you will attempt to resist (me)...
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Peronella
Global Moderator
Martin Gardner / Souma Aayame
Everything is spelled different, because they're on the Moon.
Posts: 296
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:45:23 GMT -5
Post by Peronella on Dec 23, 2007 4:45:23 GMT -5
(thanks, PG, we like us too.))
Harry: *wonders if it's possible to resist.* But, see, my dad's here and--
J.p.a.L.4.17.yrs: No no, boy, don't mind me. Go have your love connection , I mean *occlumency lessons*
Snape: Gah! they are just lessons! How can I be blamed if I am irresistable?
Harry: daddy?
JpaL417y: Look, kiddo, I'm not even sure I AM your daddy. You see, Tthe whole polyjuice thing...plus, your mum...well lets just say she was popular.
Snape: *Draws wand* HOW DARE YOU IMPUGN THE HONOR OF THE FAIR LILY EVANS!
Harry: *sits on the floor* *pouts*
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Gwenetta
Administrator
Hiwatari Satoshi / Yoshikawa (Kei) Megumi / Mr. Jatho / Sabaku no Gaara[A:1]
Grin like a savage cheerio.
Posts: 16,777,215
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:48:04 GMT -5
Post by Gwenetta on Dec 23, 2007 4:48:04 GMT -5
Harry: But I look just like you!
JpaL417y: ...don't be um, silly. That's just, er, magic.
Harry: Magic?
JpaL417y: What are you, stupid? It's only the wonderful, obvious thing that you've been trying to comprehend for the last 17 years...
Harry: I KNOW what it IS!!!
Snape: Ignore me not, Potter!
Harry: I know, I kn--
Snape: Not you! The prongsy one!
J417y: Oh, widdle ol' me?
Snape: YOU HAVE IMPUGNED THE HONOR OF MY BEAUTIFUL LILY EVANS!
J417y: Nuh-uh~
Sirius: Jam. Jam. Jammedy jam. Jam. Jam. Jammedy jam. OMG, I'm outta JAAAAM!!!! Oh, NOES~!
((How great would it be if Harry's Dad DID come back and actually treated him like crap?))
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Peronella
Global Moderator
Martin Gardner / Souma Aayame
Everything is spelled different, because they're on the Moon.
Posts: 296
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:48:45 GMT -5
Post by Peronella on Dec 23, 2007 4:48:45 GMT -5
It hardly qualifies as an RP. more like mindless spatter. and yes. that would be my favorite thing ever to happen in the series if James came back and was an ass.
Jampolylup17: Look, Snivellus, I'm not gonna dual you. You've suffered enough. Honestly.
Snape: No. I have waited 20 years for this moment.*(hard edges on all the consonants, real angry-snape like)* We Dual. "Expelliarmus!"
Jampolu17:huh--? *wand goes flying. dodges nasty spell*
Harry: (internally) ~I don't know who to root for.~
Trelawney: Yes. I knew this was going to happen. But alas, Mr. Potter shall be victorious. Be brave, sweet Severus.
Sirius: *crunch crunch* ...so am I okay?...or not?
((we really should stop this. get back to Serious HP discussion. ask the hard questions, roaring debates etc etc....))but...
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Gwenetta
Administrator
Hiwatari Satoshi / Yoshikawa (Kei) Megumi / Mr. Jatho / Sabaku no Gaara[A:1]
Grin like a savage cheerio.
Posts: 16,777,215
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:50:13 GMT -5
Post by Gwenetta on Dec 23, 2007 4:50:13 GMT -5
((but... this is fuuuuun...))
Sirius: Hey, Voices? Voices: Yeah? Wassup? Sirius: Er, can I go now? Voices: Sure. Sirius: Oh... wait. WHAT?! I COULD'VE LEFT ALREADY?!?!?! Voices: Dude, you're just behind curtains for goodness' sake. Sirius: Oh yeeeeah... Thanks for the crackers and jam, maybe I'll stop by someday and get you some peanut butter. Voices: Don't forget to write! Sirius: *walks out of the curtains* Well... that was easy. *apparates*
James: SNIVVIE! That was UNCALLED for!!! Snape: YOU HAVE INSUL-- James: Get OVER it! It was Voldy who killed her! Snape: ...*sniff* Li-li-li-li-li-liiiiilyyy.... *sobs uncontrollably* Trelawney: Alas, the Inner Eye sees all. Mr. Potter was victorious indeed...
James: Um... Snape: *sniffle* James: ... That was a lie... Snape: What...? James: Actually... she's been polyjuiced as Filch for the last 17 years... Snape: Excuse me?!
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Peronella
Global Moderator
Martin Gardner / Souma Aayame
Everything is spelled different, because they're on the Moon.
Posts: 296
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:51:39 GMT -5
Post by Peronella on Dec 23, 2007 4:51:39 GMT -5
((yay))
James: Uh, yeah. Didn't you wonder why you have been inexplicably attracted to him throughout your Hogwarts career?
Snape:...Filchie?
James: oh yeah.
Sirius: I knew it! I thought I saw Lupin and Filch disappear into a cupboard when I was searching for that ratty scumbag. I mean I was just like, Whatevah, baby. My feelings ain't hurt. but they were.....
Filchly: *walks in, stops dead when he/she sees what's happening.*
James: *not polyjuiced as Lupin* Sirius: *dejectedly munching crackers.* Trewlawny: *flitting around pretending not to be looking but she really was* Snape: *looking heartbrokenly suspicious*
Filchly: *thought that he/she couldn't have walked in at a worse time*
All: looks expectantly at Filchly
Filchly: Hey Jamesey baby. ....Hey Sev.
Snape: *sputters.*
James: Hey hot stuff. I'm not touchin you till your hairy chin disappears.
Filchly: No fair. I didn't mind you looking like Remus!
Sirius: Well why would you? Remus is gorgeous.
All: *quietly agree*
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Gwenetta
Administrator
Hiwatari Satoshi / Yoshikawa (Kei) Megumi / Mr. Jatho / Sabaku no Gaara[A:1]
Grin like a savage cheerio.
Posts: 16,777,215
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:52:14 GMT -5
Post by Gwenetta on Dec 23, 2007 4:52:14 GMT -5
((Filchie...?!?! XD))
*Lupin walks in*
Lupin: Goodness, I was wondering when someone was gonna let me out of the Shrieking Shack... James: HEY! I DIDN'T LET YOU OUT YET!!! Filch/ Lily: The spell must've worn off when you transformed back, Jamesy... Sirius: Oh, hey Moony, long time no see! Lupin: Shaddup you! Sirius: GASP! How uncharacteristic!!!!! Lupin: What would you know? I've been locked up in the Shrieking Shack for the last 17 years....
Lupin: Except for those 16 and 3/4 years that I had apparated out and explored the world... James: See, Moony? Wasn't so bad. Lupin: Oh, you're right. But I'm still a bit angry. Filch/ Lily: Want some chocolate? Lupin: MINE!!!!!!!!!! *tackles Lily/ Filch*
Snape: LILY!!! *tackles Lupin* Trelawney: Even I was beginning to think I was mad when I predicted this... yet! The inner eye knows all!
Sirius: MOONY! Get away from my Moony, Snivellus!!! *tackles Snape*
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Peronella
Global Moderator
Martin Gardner / Souma Aayame
Everything is spelled different, because they're on the Moon.
Posts: 296
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:53:12 GMT -5
Post by Peronella on Dec 23, 2007 4:53:12 GMT -5
Filchlily: *Disentangles herself from fray*
Fray: *LupinSiriusSnape rolling around throwing random punches*
Trelawney: this is hot.
James: but I'M not in it!
Trelawney: that's right. unsexy you.
James:*pouts*
Filchlily: aw there, there, muffin. I don't think you're all that unsexy.
James: Away! no touchy, Scratchy-face!
Snape: *Sticks head out of manly fight-ball. starts to say something , but is pulled back in. A cry of "MOONY!!!" Can be heard.*
Sirius: MOONY!! *pulls Snape back in before he can say anything*
flilchlily: *to james* Why did I marry you?
((typed this with gloves on. GO ME!))
EDIT: (For Posterity) ((Who's a dominatrix? .....is it Sirius? I can picture that. ^^)) ----------------------Love Peronella.
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Gwenetta
Administrator
Hiwatari Satoshi / Yoshikawa (Kei) Megumi / Mr. Jatho / Sabaku no Gaara[A:1]
Grin like a savage cheerio.
Posts: 16,777,215
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:53:34 GMT -5
Post by Gwenetta on Dec 23, 2007 4:53:34 GMT -5
((I think he's talking about you typing with gloves on... that's totally dominatrix... jk. Oh, damn, dominatrix Sirius~~~!))
James: Because I'm damn sexy! Lilitch: Well... that's true, but-- James: And if if was between Snape and me- Lilitch: HE HAS A GOOD... um... James: Were you gonna say personality? Cause that's not true. Lilitch: It's better than yours! James: ...ouch. Lilitch: Hmph! James: ...but he's slimy. And I'm dead sexy.
Sirius: And I'm SERIOUSLY SEXYYYY----- *yanked back into fray by the ear* Snape: Shut up with that disgusting joke already. Lupin: Uh oh. Sirius: What? Lupin: It's--- Snape: THE FULL MOON!!! Sirius: WHAT?!!? Snape: Damn and blast ((read that aloud))! Lupin: Did you make mt wolfsbane potion? Snape: Yeee----es, OW! STOP PUNCHING ME and I will retrieve it for you! Sirius: Oh, sorry. Right... Lupin: Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnooooooooo... Snape: Quiet, you! Lupin: BWAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRRRAWRAAWRAWRAWRRRRR!!! GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~~!!!! Grrrrr....
James: Oh, dang... Trelawney: SCORE! Lilitch: Oh, my, Remus! Trelawney: Go Inner Eye, Go Inner Eye, it's your birthday, it's your birthday! James: Daaaang.... Lilitch: How horrible! Trelawney: Inner Eye, I'm the man, if I can't do it, no one can! James: Dannnnnggggg.... Lilitch: We gotta do something!!!
Snape: ...*thinks* Sirius: ...*spaces out* Snape: *thinks*... I know! Sirius: La di da... Snape: Turn it a dog and distract him like you did in book 3!!! Sirius: Who me?
James: GO ALREADY!
Sirius: Okay, okay... *transforms* Arf! *tackles* Snape: *thinks some more* James: HURRY UP WITH THE THINKING ALREADY!!! Lilitch: Come on... come on...!!! Snape: *thinking*... JINKIES! James: DID YOU HEAR THAT! Lilitch: YAY! WE'RE SAVED!!! HE SAID JINKIES!!! He MUST have an idea! James: WOOOOOOOOOT! Lilitch: Sooo, what is it?! What is it!?!?!?!?
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Peronella
Global Moderator
Martin Gardner / Souma Aayame
Everything is spelled different, because they're on the Moon.
Posts: 296
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:55:25 GMT -5
Post by Peronella on Dec 23, 2007 4:55:25 GMT -5
((they were green stripe-y gloves. I didn't know typing with gloves on was dominatrixy *is innocent* Sirius: on your knees, slave! *whipssshh* ))
Snape: Very well, Here is the plan:.......
All except lupin: WELL?
Lupin: SNARFBLARGHGRRRRRRASSFWORDAAAWWWBLAHBLAHBLAHARRGHSNARFGDROOOOL
Snape: Alright, It is clear that he must be administered the Wolfsbane potion. It is also clear that such administration would be...difficult. My plan, ladies and losers, is this:
The two insufferable Messrs. Potter, Who I hate most in the world, Will take this Billy club *conjures Billy club* and get up close to the werewolf and crack 'im on the bean.
Then we pour the potion down his unconscious throat.
Any questions?
James: *raises Hand* Harry (who's totally still here): *raises Hand*
Sirius: *Changes back, pouty* But, Snivvy, I thought you hated ME second most!
Harry: YEAH! 'member how you saved my life, Professy? I thought we were, you know, cool. in an angry begrudging sort of way. *Big, Quivering, Shiny Green EYES*
Snape: *Cold Hard heart softens and melts a little, lip trembles* Potter, I wouldn't Use you anyhow, It's much too important for a wizard of your Cranial over-hugeness and Mediocre abilities. instead , you get a DETENTION!
Harry: Yay! I love you too, Snapey, Professor, Sir.
Sirius: D'oh!
James: Come on, Padfoot, It'll be just like old times. Believe it! *gets all Prongsy* Sirius: Yosh, the Power of Youth! *Doggy style* ((like that jokes never been used.))
Padfoot and Prongs: *Wrangle Moony*
Harry: *nestles up to Snape* professy <3.
Lililch: Everyone loves Severus more than me. *whine*
Trelawney: I knew that.
MoonyPadfootProngs: SNARLGROWLBARKARFWHINEANGRYDEERSOUNDSBARKGROWLSNARLMUNCH *wranglewrangle*
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Gwenetta
Administrator
Hiwatari Satoshi / Yoshikawa (Kei) Megumi / Mr. Jatho / Sabaku no Gaara[A:1]
Grin like a savage cheerio.
Posts: 16,777,215
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:56:17 GMT -5
Post by Gwenetta on Dec 23, 2007 4:56:17 GMT -5
James: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! HE'S EATING USSSS!!!! Sirius: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Lupin: Yum.
Lilitch: Well, so much for that. Snape: ...yes... Would you like to elope? Lilitch: You don't care about my hairy chin? Snape: Not at all sweetums! Lilitch: OH, Sevvie!!! Harry: ...Mommy? Snape: Filchy! Harry: Professy??? *chin wobbles, eyes tear up* *snogging ensues* Harry: *can't decide whether to celebrate or barf*
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Peronella
Global Moderator
Martin Gardner / Souma Aayame
Everything is spelled different, because they're on the Moon.
Posts: 296
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:57:24 GMT -5
Post by Peronella on Dec 23, 2007 4:57:24 GMT -5
((Barfs))
Lupin: *barfs*
James and Sirius: *slide around in barf, regaining normal size and shape.*
Sirius: *finds billy club, Cold-cocks Lupin*
Lupin: ...ZZzZz
Sirius: IT'S DONE! Quick, Sniv, I mean Severus, Potion, Down the hatch.
Snape: *in filchly arms* Wha?
James: INFIDELITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *points finger dramatically*
Snape: oh, right, you. erm, I've got the potion right here, so I'll just administer.......Why are you laughing?
James: *laughing hysterically* Sirius: *guffawing gleefully* Filchly:*chuckling Guiltily...* Moony: *Snoring amusedly*
Harry: *sizzling*
Snape: Seriously. What on earth could be so resoundingly amusing that it has you all incapacitated with hi-larity? Methinks you're all on crack.
Filchly: I don't feel good about this, boys. He know how to make all sorts of nasty potions. And all manner of other dark magic.
Sirius: aw come on, Filchie, It's been years since the marauders have pulled a prank. You should be honored to have participated.
Harry: *angry because he doesn't know what's going on*
Snape: *simmers, anticipates, worries*
James: Right, so--*laughs* okay, we--ha--That's not Lilly polyjuiced as filch for 17 years--hahaha--it's just Filch!!!!!!
Sirius: YOU SNOGGED FILCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *ROFLDOFL*
James:*kicks sirius, revives him*
Sirius: thanks.
Snape: I see. Yes. Well, that explains...some things. *rage ripples just below surface. it's hot*
Harry: *to filch* so, you're not my mummy?
Filch: of course not, boy. *to James* Now, Relinquish my sweet Mrs. Norris, you blaggard!
James:*pulls cat from his pants* here.
Filch: there you are my sweet.
Trelawney: *Ego bruised. Did not see this coming* Dagnabbit!
Harry: *walks over to stand by Snape* I'm with you, Professor. that was jacked up.
Snape: Yes. well. As you recall Potter, I have all manner of dark vengeances at my disposal.
James: aw come on Sev, for once in your life, be cool.
Snape: Thank you for the advice. I will as you say, be cool. Young Master Potter, would you care to participate in my grand retribution?
Harry: Yeah, thanks.
Snape: Excellent. I believe the natural order of things needs restoring?
Harry: Agreed. You're a bastard, Snape *glares*
Snape: I loathe you, Harry Potter. .... *evil eyes* ..... Very good. I feel better already. Come along Harry,
Harry: yes sir. *to the marauders* Repent, Evil ones! For now is the hour of OUR extreme discontent!!!
Snape: can the theatrics, Potter. We are men of action. *Tosses wolfsbane bottle into lupins open snoring mouth. Bottle shatters.*
Lupin: *harmless wolf*
Sirius: Should we be worried? James: no. Trelawney: YES. I see it! be very worried!
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Gwenetta
Administrator
Hiwatari Satoshi / Yoshikawa (Kei) Megumi / Mr. Jatho / Sabaku no Gaara[A:1]
Grin like a savage cheerio.
Posts: 16,777,215
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Revenge
Dec 23, 2007 4:58:24 GMT -5
Post by Gwenetta on Dec 23, 2007 4:58:24 GMT -5
((How do I add on to that?!? It's so perfect!!! XD "Methinks you're all on crack"...))
Harry: So, Proffessy, I mean, Sir, how are we going to get back at them? Snape: Before I can tell you, Potter, I must ask: Are you sure you're willing to team up with ME against your FATHER? Harry: He already told me that he's not my dad- Snape: Do you REALLY expect ME to believe THAT? You look just like him. Harry: Well... um... SCREW HIM! That's what I think!!!! He's a BIG FAT JERK! Snape: I see... I didn't think you'd understand... Harry: In fact, he's my ANTI FATHER!!!! Snape: ...what? Harry: HE'S MY ANTI FATHER!!!!! The opposite of what I think my REAL father should be! Snape: ...excuse me? Harry: So my real Father would be opposite to him... Snape: I'm getting a bad feeling about this... Harry: So... YOU!!!! You're my real father!!! Snape: I say! Harry: W-well, not biologically, of course, Sir, but I-i-i mean... Snape: ...I... see... Harry: ...um... Snape: Fine. I shall adopt you Potter. Harry: Really? Snape: If you don't mind having Draco for a brother. Harry: MALFOY?! Snape: Yes, I have adopted him too. He got taken away from his father by child services. Harry: Aw, really? Snape: Yes, his Father always beat him with his Snakey Pimp Stick. Harry: THAT'S HORRIBLE! Snape: Yes. Yes it is. Harry: POOR DRACIEKINS!!! Draco: POTTER!!!!! DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!!!! Harry: It's NOT Potter anymore!!!! It's Harry Snape!!!! Snape: Oh dear... that sounds horrible... Draco: What? Daddy, what did he just say? Snape: Draco... I'd like you to meet your new brother... Draco: BROTHER? BUT HE'S A GRIFFINDOR!!! Harry: That's my fault... I was supposed to be in Slytherin... Snape: Really? Harry: Yep. Draco: I see. Well, that changes everything. Snape: *nods* Welcome to the family! Draco: YAY! I have an older brother now! Beat up all the bullies for me okay? Harry: Absolutely! *hugs Draco and Sev*
Aww... one BIG HAPPY FAMILY...
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